34/52

It's amazing what happens when you open yourself up to the universe with a declaration to start loving yourself more.  Things start happening.

I went on a business trip this week to Memphis, Tennessee.  I wasn't super excited about going, I'll be honest.  I mean, most destinations have something you can look forward to.  Memphis?  I had nothing.  Unless you count the ducks.  Yes, I said ducks.  The hotel we stayed at has ducks.  Real ones.  Living in the hotel.  And they are treated like royalty.  I'm not kidding.


Until I got there, I didn't realize how huge BBQ is down there.  I mean, a couple people mentioned it to me, but it wasn't until I got there did it become real.  And I love BBQ!  My parents compete in BBQ competitions as Papa's Smokin' Seven and they got their start in Memphis.

So I ate great food every night - brisket, ribs and pulled pork.  And Thursday night, after dinner, the group was inquiring about what we should do next.  A local cab driver had given us a few ideas.  And one of them was Earnestine and Hazel's.  The cab driver talked it up.  How lively it was, how it was the best place to go in Memphis, yada yada yada.  It was about a mile away - completely walkable if the weather had been nicer.  But it was chilly and I was an idiot and didn't bring a coat.  So we hop in the Uber and go there.  We pull up and I had no idea what to expect, but it wasn't this:

photo courtesy of ilovememphis

We walked in and the place was completely empty and the bartender was cleaning the grill, as if they were closed.  They weren't, but it was weird to be in a place where we were the only ones there.  Right away, one person said, "Hey, the Uber didn't leave yet, should we flag him down and go somewhere else?"  We had a split second to make a decision.  The majority of the group wanted to stay, so we did.  We end up walking down this dark hallway to the 5 Spot.  It's a bar that is connected to Earnestine and Hazel's.  It's also empty.  Did I mention how bizarre of a feeling that is?  But we decide to make the best of it and order a drink.  Ryan, our bartender, tells us the story of Earnestine and Hazel's and how the upstairs used to be a brothel.  Wait, a what??  He encourages us to go upstairs and check it out.  And then he reveals that the whole place is haunted.  Oh great.  I'm not about haunted houses, haunted bars or haunted brothels. I instantly began to wish I had spoken up about jumping back into that Uber.  The fear (as stupid as it was) starts to panic me.  Just as I started to internally freak out, someone in the group asks me about being a fitness instructor.  And for those that know me well, you know that I can't just answer the question that is posed to me, I have to start at the beginning and explain the entire story.  So I'm distracted out of that fear.  Once I'm done with my lengthy explanation of my foot surgery, ballet, Pound and then the transition to being an instructor (if you missed that long story, read it here), one of the members of our group asks if we should go upstairs to check it out.  I didn't want to really, but I also didn't want to make them go alone.  So I reluctantly went.  We wind through the dark hallway again and walk through a door marked "Keep door closed."  We are presented with a stairwell.

The stairs are crooked, that isn't an optical illusion.  And their stability is beyond questionable.  It was terrifying.  And I realize why that door I just walked through has a sign on it.  It's freezing in here.  So we go up the stairs.  It's not very bright but there is a long hallway.  All I see are walls that look like they need to be torn down.  But I get to the end of the hallway and turn around and see something I never expected.

It was a striking collection of colors and light and a mess of peeling drywall and paint and scrawlings of "so-and-so was here" and other graffiti.  The doors on the left side led to rooms that were now set up as hangouts for bar-goers that weren't completely freaked out by the place being haunted.

Windows in the rooms are open to brick walls.

The framework behind the drywall looks stripe-y. 

The sign for the 5 Spot can be seen right outside the window. 

The whole place's beauty is built on the fact it's a remarkable display of something that is falling apart.  How is it possible that that is beautiful? It just is.  So if I would have let my fear paralyze me, I wouldn't have seen this place.  And I'm at a place in my life where I don't want to be paralyzed by indecision, fear and not thinking that I'm worth taking some chances. 

So last week I decided to let go of perfection and to start loving myself.  This opened me up to so many positive things.  Going on this trip afforded me a little time to myself waiting at the airport and being on the plane.  I see an ad for a podcast that I think sounds interesting: Happier and after listening to about 19 of their podcasts, I'm hooked.  They offer practical ways of making yourself happier - in all kinds of ways - from being organized, to making stronger connections with the people you love and being productive.  Because it all matters and it all relates.  And they have simple "try this at home" activities that are easy to incorporate into your life, but can have a huge impact.

The other cool thing that happened is that I started reading a book.  I think I mentioned a couple weeks ago that the company I work for held a women's leadership conference last October.  They send emails out periodically and the email I got last week highlighted a book from Jen Sincero, "You're a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life." I think I'm about 2/3 of the way through the book and it's incredible how the thoughts you have can either limit your present and future or pave the way for you to rock it.

Here are some of my favorite quotes from Jen Sincero's book (and I love them so much I want to write them on notecards and hang them on a corkboard where I can see them everyday!):

"Wanting can be done sitting on the couch with a bong in your hand and a travel magazine in your lap.  Deciding means jumping in all the way, doing whatever it takes, and going after your dreams with the tenacity of a dateless cheerleader a week before prom night."

"If you want to live a life you've never lived, you have to do things you've never done."

On how to forgive yourself, repeat this as often as you need to: "Holding on to my bad feelings about this is doing nothing but harming me, and everyone else, and preventing me from enjoying my life fully.  I am an awesome person.  I choose to enjoy my life.  I choose to let this go."

"Procrastination is one of the most popular forms of self-sabotage because it's really easy."

"If you're serious about changing your life, you'll find a way.  If you're not, you'll find an excuse."

So this last quote is my final thought and the one that I think rings so true for me this week:

"When you up-level your idea of what's possible, and decide to really go for it, you open yourself up to the means to accomplish it as well."

I felt stuck.  I felt like there was no possibility of change.  This was just who I was.  I felt like there was nothing I could do.  Because change is terrifying.  It's scary.  You don't know if all your hard work is going to give you the results you're hoping for.  It could all suck in the end.  There's often pain, deprivation and investment of time.  You can't predict the future.  It's unknown, and that uncertainty can bury you in fear if you're a control freak like me.

But whatever I want to achieve is an investment in myself.  And I'm worth it. 

There's so much more I want to write, but I'll save it for next week.  :)

33/52

Happy Superbowl Day!  I am really having a difficult time believing that it's already February.  The year is already flying.  Aside from the Superbowl, February is the month that contains Valentine's day.  A holiday that is all about expressing love.


I feel a little crazy when I say this out loud - but I love barns.  It's inexplicable really.  But I do.  And there is this one that I drive past on the way to and from the barn that Emma rides at.  And every single time, I look at it with this longing; wishing I had my camera with me, wishing I had time to stop and take some pictures.

Well, this week I made it happen.  Remember Week 30 I wrote about finding joy and happiness?  I carved out time in my weekend to make the stop at the barn.  I loaded up my camera and tripod so that I would be ready - no excuses.  That same week I wrote about not being perfect.  I don't love pictures of myself.  I'm far more comfortable behind the camera than in front of it.  I can see a picture of myself and see a million flaws.  But I had a thought.  I could take a picture in front of my favorite barn - and that wouldn't be so bad. And then I had another thought... but first let me tell you this.


One of the things I have been doing over the last few weeks is going through all the clothes in my closet.  It's a daunting side effect to losing weight and inches.  Lots of the clothes in my closet don't fit anymore. I know, I know, woe is me and I shouldn't complain - but I wanted to explain how I discovered something.  I organize my clothes by type: work clothes in one section - long sleeved tops, short sleeved tops, sleeveless tops, skirts, then pants.  Another section has all my dresses and sweaters.  Another section has my casual, comfy and workouts clothes.  And as I pulled out some things that didn't fit anymore and I pulled together all my comfy casual long sleeved tops, I burst out laughing!  I am apparently drawn to gray and white stripes.  I bought all of these for myself.  They were not gifts.  They were purchases I made where I'm sure I said something like "Oooo, I like this.  I should get it!"    

As you know, over the last few weeks, I've been talking about joy, happiness, being imperfect, trying new things and turning negative thoughts into positive thoughts.  I have been thinking about love and how I don't necessarily love myself enough.  For who I am on the inside or for what I see on the outside.  All I see (and then focus on) is the bad stuff, the flaws.  I'm always apologetic for how I feel.  Like it's wrong.  And while sometimes it is, for me it happens far too often to be right.  And when I dig even deeper, I've discovered I barely know who I am, what I stand for.  Like if I were my own friend, how would I describe me to someone who has never met me?  And does that differ from how I would like to be described?  Would I like me?  I don't know all the answers - I believe that finding them will be a bit of journey.   

So posing in front of my favorite barn with a few of my favorite shirts seemed to get me a whole lot closer to liking being in front of the camera.  I'm not there yet, but closer. It was a little chilly and the wind was kicking up intermittently, so my hair is a little wild in some of these pictures (kind of like me after a couple drinks - ha!).  I kind of think all the awesome elements in the pictures outweigh whatever flaws I managed to find. 

So doing this photo shoot was a little scary at first.  And maybe that's why I procrastinated.  This barn is right off of a well traveled road.  There is this teensy weensy "No Trespassing" sign on the front of the barn.  I was worried that someone seeing me park my car in front of the barn and setting up my tripod may have something to say.  I was worried about what the people in the cars driving past would think.  It was a little cold and windy (have I ever told you I don't do cold well?).  I was worried that the photographic vision in my head wasn't going to turn out as well through the lens.  Without an assistant, I was using the timer on my camera, and that meant running back and forth between the fence and the camera.  My focus was off a few times, so I had to start hanging my coat on the fence post so that I could get it right.  Get the coat in focus, make sure all my settings are right, press the button, run to the fence, pull down the coat, set it on the ground and pose.  This happened about 15 times.  Add in a few jogs back to the car to change my shirt.  I was there for about an hour.

The good news is that no one stopped to tell me they were calling the police because I was trespassing.  No drivers stopped to ask me what the heck I was doing.  I didn't get frostbite.  I can check this off my long list of things I want to do! And I actually learned a few tricks and like some of the pictures I got.  Are they all perfect?  Nope.  But I like them anyway.  :)
    

32/52

I'm pretty sure I was called a daydreamer when I was growing up. My mom encouraged me to dream big.

I saw movies like Poltergeist, Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street when I was pretty young. And as I'm sure you can guess, they gave me horrible nightmares. 

I almost always remember my dreams.  As a kid, my dreams seemed so real.  Where I was being chased.  And I would wake up terrified.  And not be able to fall back to sleep.  The shadows on my walls haunted me.  I finally figured out that I had to learn how to rewrite the endings.  I would fall back to sleep and pick up the dream where I left off, but now I could fly - or swim - and be able to breathe underwater to escape whoever or whatever was chasing me.

As I got older, the dreams changed a bit, but still woke me up in the middle of the night.  Dreams like walking through the hallways in high school and not remembering my schedule or my locker combination.  Or driving a stick shift car and approaching an intersection - and realizing I don't know how to drive stick and I can't get the car to stop (now, I realize that these two issues aren't related, however, in my dream they were).

When I was pregnant with Abigail, the dreams were amazingly vivid, and sometimes so confusing.  At the time, I worked for an insurance brokerage firm.  Everyday I started my work day with my friend, Liane, and over the cubicle wall I would tell her all the details of my dream from the night before and we would spend the rest of the morning analyzing it.

Recently, Abbi asked me to take her to Hot Topic to do some shopping with her Christmas money.  She found this sweatshirt.  I love what it says, "They've promised that dreams come true, but they forgot to mention that nightmares are dreams too."

This quote's placement on a yin yang symbol isn't coincidental.  The yin yang symbol represents perfect balance and harmony of opposing forces.  One cannot exist without the other.  Light and Dark.  Water and Fire. North and South.  Even numbers and odd numbers.  Numbers - okay, now you're speaking my language.  For those of you that don't know,  I love numbers.  Mostly even numbers, but even if they aren't even, I try to turn the number into a math equation so that the answer is an even number.  When I got my first cell phone, I had to work some serious flirtatious magic to get the guy at Circuit City to give me a number with all even numbers.  Yes, it was that important. 

This concept of opposing forces is interesting to pull apart.  Can you really ever appreciate the sun if you never feel the rain? Can you know joy without sorrow?  I'm entirely guilty of feeling like the sun will never shine again when it's raining.  I can't even remember what summer feels like when we're in the middle of a blizzard.  Like whatever I'm going through is never going to get better.  I get stuck there.

And then on the flip side, I can be overly optimistic when things ARE better.  My sunshine is eternal. Which maybe is a crazy way of saying that ignorance is bliss.  Yeah, I'm guilty of that too. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt (because I know there is always so much more happening in a situation that I don't know about).  And I generally want to stay stuck there. 

But there should be balance and harmony, right?  There will be good days and bad days.  Days where you feel like you're on cloud nine and days when you don't even want to get out of bed.  So the trick is to not stay stuck there.  You can't be oblivious to all the signs pointing in a certain direction, but you also have the power to pave your own path.  You have a choice. 

Want to know something?  That driving-stick-shift nightmare was a reoccurring dream for me.  It started when I learned how to drive (when I was 17) and I would have it about once a month.  When Brian and I got married (when I was 21), and his car was a manual transmission Nissan Altima, he taught me how to drive it.  I had that nightmare for FOUR years.  Once I got the hang of driving stick, I never had that dream again. 

So believe in yourself.  Believe in the power you hold.  And don't be afraid to take a few steps off the path.  If it isn't going the way you want it to, then take a few steps back, get back on the path and then try again a little farther down the road.  If you're facing a nightmare, you can rewrite the end of your dream.  The choice is yours.  It's always yours.  That's power, isn't it?

31/52

Maybe you noticed that my blog has a new title.  I think it better reflects the goal of my blog, don't you?


A couple months ago, I let Abbi know that she needed to sign up for an activity.  We had taken a bit of a break once she started high school because she wanted to make sure that she could handle her homework and projects.  And while I can understand the anxiety, she's done just fine.  

Abbi has done lots of activities (usually involving water because we are convinced that she is part fish).  I'll admit, I was surprised at her choice.  Ice skating.  We've only ice skated maybe twice ever in her life.  It can be difficult to be a fifteen year old beginner skating with kids half your age.  There were so many tiny people sliding and falling on the ice around her.  But she did it and she did it with a smile. 

Waiting to get on the ice.

When was the last time you tried something new? Learned a new skill?  Developed a positive habit?  Tried a new food?

I'm trying something new.  Well maybe its a few things.  And I'm telling you all about it.  I'm learning to trust myself more, turning negative thoughts into positive thoughts, and not letting outside things affect me so much. 

I've always been indecisive.  And while I haven't exactly pinpointed why, it's likely that it comes from not being able to trust myself to make a good decision.  What ifs loom in my mind.  Consequences of the decision swirl around my head.  It brings to light all kinds of questions.  Do I have all the information?   Is there something else I haven't considered?  Could there be something else going on here?  It's enough to paralyze you into doing nothing.  Or better yet, have someone else make the decision for you.  At some point, though, I must learn to make my own decisions.  Trust that I have all the information, trust that I've considered all the options, and be willing to deal with what happens next. 

It can be easy to listen to all those negative thoughts in your head.  Or even outside your head.  We are bombarded with images of size 0 celebrities with salon perfect hair and makeup.  Who are wearing designer outfits and coordinating boots.  Or even closer to home (and reality), the women who look all put together - who have handsome, attentive husbands with their well dressed and well mannered children.  Driving their luxury SUV and living in their custom built McMansion. Don't get me wrong, I have no judgment here.  I only say this because I live in a neighborhood where this is what you see all around you.  You feel like you have to live up to this.  You have to be this version of perfect on the outside.  And oh, I'm so not.  But instead of feeling defeated by this or feeling like I'm not _____ enough, I'm learning to be okay with it.  I'm real.  I actually had three people tell me that last week.  It was kind of bizarre considering I don't know that anyone has ever said that to me before, but I'm thankful.  I don't want to be fake or pretend I'm something I'm not.  I've never been good at that, and I suppose that's a good thing.

Remember last week I told you about carrying your own weather?  I saw something my friend Cindy posted on Facebook this week.  I loved it.   It's a new word: Unf*ckwithable.  It's an adjective and here's the definition: when you're truly at peace and in touch with yourself, and nothing anyone says or does bothers you, and no negativity or drama can touch you.  This is what I want to be. 


So grab a friend and try something new!!  Friends will always support you, listen to you and be there for you - whether you are learning to turn negative thoughts into positive ones or your falling all over the place on the ice.  I'm pretty lucky to have some absolutely wonderful and fantabulous friends. 

And speaking of fantabulous friends, I want to introduce you to one of Isaac's very best friends.  Her name is Katie.  She is one of the non-family kids I adore the most on the planet.  She and Isaac have been friends since kindergarten.  They are great and silly together.  I've heard of stories of Katie helping Isaac clean out his desk and Isaac helping Katie carry her books.  For the last three years, Katie has made it on Isaac's birthday party invite list.  I even recently had a long-term substitute teacher ask me "what's the deal with Katie and Isaac?" I'm not sure that this kind of friendship, loyalty and craziness is typically seen in third grade.  This week, it's Katie's birthday.  So happy birthday Katie!

This is what happens when you tell them to lean in together and you lean to the right to show them. 

So a few of you got on me a little bit today about not having my blog post up sooner.  I'm sorry it's late.  I played a couple quick games of Jenga with the kids tonight after dinner.  I'll try to get back to posting on Sundays! 

I'd love for you to leave a comment.  What new thing are you going to try?  Do you like the new blog title?

30/52

Sunday morning, Isaac and I made breakfast.  We made the bacon first.  While we were waiting, we noticed that the sun was shining into the kitchen.  Because there is a bit of smoke from the bacon, you could see the sun rays so very clearly.   Once the bacon was done, Isaac wanted to help me with the sunny-side-up eggs.  He wanted to break the eggs into the pan.  We were making three eggs.  He broke the first egg perfectly.  He broke the second egg right on top of the first egg and the yolk breaks.  Same thing happened with the third.

Sun rays and breakfast make me happy.  Well the bacon makes me happy.

We sat at the table and he looks at my broken yolked eggs.  Here was how the conversation went.

Isaac: "Next time I will do it better."
Me: "It just takes more practice."
Isaac: "Practice makes perfect.  Well, perfect-ish. Nobody can be perfect.  Except for being yourself.  You can be perfect at being yourself."

I think about this.  It makes me remember what a VP I used to work with told me once "There is only one you... everyone else is already taken."

Oh my goodness.  She's right.  Isaac's right.  I'm perfectly imperfect.

Sounds tidy, doesn't it?  Almost something to be celebrated?  Well, yes and no.

So let's embrace this thought.  I am perfectly imperfect. I'm human and I make mistakes, I say stupid stuff and I feel things that maybe I shouldn't.  But all with the intention of being the best version of me I can be.  Essentially doing my best to be perfect.  Aren't I the plumb line?  Because I'll be honest, I judge others based on what I would do.  Ugh. That sounds terrible, doesn't it?  It's not like I think I AM perfect.  But I judge my actions by my intentions (and I think everyone else should too - LOL). Because I know what my intentions are.  And I know they're pure - where they are coming from.  And I understand them.  But you don't get this benefit.  Because you can't see my intentions or my complicated emotions for that matter.  You rely on me to communicate my intentions and those complicated emotions.  Something I'm not very good at.   

And what if you flip it around?  I don't know your intentions.  So I can only judge by your actions and words.  I came across this quote recently, "You'll end up really disappointed if you go through life thinking people will do for you as you do for them.  Not everyone has the same heart as yours." You can't expect that everyone follows your plumb line or the Golden Rule. 

And because I'm not the only one that's imperfect, and feeling all this, there are all kinds of things that can go wrong.  So what do we do about it?

Well you do have to remember that there is only one you.  And you are special (oh my gosh, do I sound like your mom yet?).  You have to take time to just be you.  To find what brings you joy and happiness.  You cannot rely on anyone else to give that to you.  Not your significant other, not your kids, not your friends, and no one in your family.

In my former life, I taught a class based on the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey.  It was amazing.  I loved it and incorporated a lot of the ideas into my life.  I haven't taught the class in several years, so these great ideas have slipped a bit.  But there is a concept that Stephen Covey talks about - called Carry Your Own Weather.  The idea is that regardless of what is happening around you, you get to choose how you respond.  The sun doesn't always shine.  

Seems like it could be, should be, easy.  And maybe sometimes it is; it sort of falls in your lap.  And other times you have to look harder or make your own "sunshine."  Sunday, it was bitterly cold.  So I made Isaac and I hot chocolate after we went to church.  The amount of whip cream in our hot chocolate definitely made us both happy.

Hot chocolate makes me happy!

I also had half of a slice of Portillo's chocolate cake.  That made me happy too.  I would've taken a picture, but.... I ate it before I thought of that.

Then we made chocolate chip cookies.  I finally found the dairy-free chocolate chips so I could make some for Brian too.  They were actually really good!

We made chocolate chip cookies.  Spending time in the kitchen makes me happy too!

So it sure sounds like food - chocolate, namely, makes me happy.  This is true.  Good thing I'm teaching Pound class five times a week.  LOL

So this week, find your joy.  Give yourself permission to do it.  Shine your way.   And if all else fails, eat chocolate.  ;)

29/52

For the longest time, we were saying that Winter is coming (any other Game of Thrones geeks out there excited that Season 6 starts April 24??!!).  Well, it's here.  Really here.  Snow, frigid temperatures, missing gloves, salted driveways and sidewalks - it's all here.

I try to love Winter.  Really I do.  I don't mind the snow (as long as I don't have to drive in it).  I think the snow is pretty - especially when it covers the tree branches.  My neighbor asked me a very important question this morning as we were waiting at the end of my driveway, aka the bus stop, "Why do we live here?" I don't know, man, I don't know.

My kids love Winter for the sledding.  Zoey loves the snow because it's another source of cold liquid refreshment.

Sunday morning Isaac, Zoey and I went for a Winter hike on my favorite trail.   Was it cold? Yes.  Did I really feel like going outside with the wind chill? Nope.  But we did it.  All for this photo. 

My favorite dog, my favorite boy and my favorite bridge

Kids will happily go out in this weather to go sledding.  Even though it's cold. And they have to walk up the hill after every trip down.  They place a lot of value on the exhilaration of that few-second ride down a hill.  It's worth it to them.

Unlike the gratification that kids get when sledding, we probably don't see such immediate results with our goals.  But we need to place more value on getting there and the results we want!  I want to encourage you today.  Believe in yourself.  Don't give up.  Give yourself permission to do this for you.  Fight the excuses.  There will always be something else you could be doing.  And you'll probably never FEEL like doing it.

The company I work for recently had a Women in Leadership event and Mel Robbins was the keynote speaker.  She has a 5 second rule.  We aren't talking about the "if you drop food on the floor and pick it up within 5 seconds, you can eat it" rule.  Ew. Gross.  Just no.  This is the "DO something before your brain talks you out of it" rule. 

Here she is on YouTube.

Now she's not saying, "hey, if you have the idea that you should work out today, you should drop everything in 5 seconds and make it happen." That's not it at all.  She is saying take a step in that direction. And that's key because the first step can be the hardest.

I am reminded of when I was in high school and was part of the Boy Scout Explorer Program to explore a career in firefighting.  We took a trip to Devil's Head State Park and went repelling. Repelling is like the opposite of rock climbing - you are going down.  We learned how to tie our own knots and then used that rope to repel over the edge.  I don't think the fall from the top of the rocks would've killed us, but we would've broken a lot of things.  I was super excited for this trip.  We planned out the details and made sure that we thought of everything.  My nerves didn't set in until we hiked to the top of the cliff.  I watched the others go over.  I let a few more people go ahead of me.  It was finally my turn.  All of a sudden that was the last place I wanted to be.  I wanted to crawl under rock.  If I had been the only one there, I would've gone back.  I'm sure I thought of a million other things I could've been doing instead.  But my troop encouraged me.  I saw that others survived just fine.  I had a friend help me in the harness and double check my knots.  I was all set.  But the rest was up to me.  All I had to do was walk to the edge, lean back and take that first step.  I walked to the edge and peered over.  The others that had already done it waved to me from the bottom.  Well that's a good sign.  They all survived.  It took me a long time to lean back over the edge (oh, geez, that makes me think of those trust exercises where you close your eyes and lean back and someone is supposed to catch you??).  Millimeter by millimeter, I moved my hands further down the rope until I was finally (barely) leaning over the edge.  You are balancing all your weight over the edge of the cliff and everything in your brain is telling you that you can't take that step because you are going to fall over the edge, but of course you won't because you have a harness and ropes in place.  But it took me FOREVER to take that first step.  My heart felt like it was beating outside of my chest.  My hands were trembling around the ropes.  My feet felt paralyzed.  Everyone there was encouraging me, telling me to just do it.  And finally I did it - when everyone rallied "on the count of three!"  That's all I needed.  Three seconds to get myself ready and set to do it.  Any more than that and I know I would've talked myself out of it.  Who knew there was something magical about the count of three?  Mel Robbins.  She apparently knew. 

After that first frightening step, I loved it.  And afterwards, I felt silly for taking so long to get over the edge. 

So what's holding you back?  What are you afraid of?  Let's do this  - on the count of three!

28/52

To be...

Faster, Stronger, Healthier, Happier

Don't be fooled.  To get to my goal (and yours for that matter), there is no "easy" button.  There is no magic pill.  There is no genie in a bottle.  If you want to be faster, stronger, healthier, happier (or fill in the blank with what you want) - you have to DO something to make that happen.  You have to shift your paradigm - you have to think differently.  You will have to commit to making it a priority and work hard.  You will have to make sacrifices and convince yourself it's worth it.  You may have to be creative with your time and let some things go.  And only YOU can make it happen. Procrastinating or ignoring it will not change anything.  Wishing on a star isn't going to make your goals and dreams come true.  Making excuses or complaining about it won't change anything.  And a pity party is not going to help either.

Will it be easy?  No.  Will I want to give up?  Probably.  Will I fall off the bandwagon?  It's likely.
But I won't quit - and you shouldn't either.  I have an army of supporters.  My family, my friends, my Pound girls.  They are all encouraging.  They are inspiring.  They show up.  They care and they'll pull me back onto the bandwagon.

So here's what I'm saying.  Do a few things for yourself:

1. Set a goal - your resolution for the new year - but make it realistic.  One you think you can stick with.  Small beginnings are still beginnings.  You'll build momentum as you go along.  And then you can dream bigger.
2. Put it on your calendar.  Block time out to make this happen.
3.  Find someone that can help you stay accountable and be a cheerleader.  That's a big piece of this puzzle.  Someone that won't be afraid to razz you a little bit if you start to make excuses.  If you can find someone that has a similar goal, that's even better, but it's definitely not required.
4. And if you're like me, if it's out of sight, it can be out of mind.  So put things around you that will remind you of your goal - something on your lock screen on your phone, something on your fridge, or on a post it note on your computer monitor.

And I'll make this offer to you - if you need someone to help you stay accountable or to be a cheerleader for you - I'm here.  I want to help.  No matter what your goal is, I am happy to cheer you on (or razz you if necessary)!


I still don't necessarily know what I want to be when I grow up, but I know what I want to be for 2016.

As I was helping Abbi clean out some old stuff in her room yesterday, we came across a notebook with this quote on it: At any given moment, you have the power to say "This is NOT how the story is going to end."

What's your story and how do you want it to end?