8/52

Meet Isaac.  My nine year old bundle of energy and inquisition.  He is all boy.  He started with dinosaurs.  Memorizing stats and needing to know what kind was the biggest, heaviest, and fastest.  Then he moved onto animals (thankfully the Wild Kratts feed his addiction). And then cars.  This is where Brian and Isaac really bond.  Tanner, Adam and Rutledge from Top Gear teach him everything he needs to know about trucks, sports cars and driving fast.  Recently, he is all about speed cubes (think Rubik's cube, which just so you know, is a brand of speed cube - like Kleenex is a brand of tissue).  He has 14 of them, ranging from 2x2 (so 2 rows of 2 squares on each side) to 5x5 (5 rows of 5 squares on each side).  He and Brian learned the algorithms to solve the 2x2 and 3x3, and like all the cool kids on youtube, Isaac can look at a scrambled cube and then start the timer and solve it within seconds.  It's pretty impressive to watch.  Next on his list... chess.  He reminds me of Johnny 5 from Short Circuit - always needing to know more.  And then rattling off random trivia to anyone who will listen (like how he told the girl at the park today that a hummingbird's wings move in a figure 8 so it can hover). 

And when he isn't taking apart a speed cube (not to solve it, but to lube it up to make it move faster), he is running, jumping, riding - anything fast.  He loves the new Energy and Endurance gymnastics class that involves tumbling, flips, trampolines and the foam pit - what more would a boy want?  And soon he'll start flag football - I suspect he wants to because his cousins Jacob and Luke play football - and no one is cooler than Jacob and Luke. 

He and I went on an adventure today after we were ditched by Abigail and Emma.  We drove down to Island Park, played, and then walked over to the Herrington for some pictures.  

I learned a bit more about changing the settings on my camera, so it's coming together in my brain... finally!  

And as soon I was done taking his picture, Isaac declared that he wanted to take mine.  

Yes, I now go everywhere with my Ripstix.

And so then he says, "oh, look, there's a waterfall!  We should take a picture by the waterfall!"

So he would pose...

 

and then he would tell me it was my turn. 

But you know, even though he is all boy - he is an absolute sweetheart.  He likes to cuddle when we read together, help me with dinner and gives the best hugs and kisses.  And I know it won't last forever, so I'm trying to enjoy it while it lasts.  And it's not just that he's a momma's boy.  He's won the hearts of girls at school too, so I've heard.  :)

After our walk, we came home and went for a bike ride.  We had dinner with Brian's parents last night (thanks Dad - it was wonderful!! And you are wonderful too!), where we talked a lot about the 5 Love Languages.  Isaac's love language is definitely quality time.  And we got a lot of that today.  

 

7/52

I visited a new church today.  River City Church. They recently moved to St. Charles.  Check out their website - beautifully done by a nice guy named Alex that I met today.  This is the church that is interested in hosting Pound classes.  Pound classes that I would be leading.  Commence panic attack now.

Pastor Damian asked if we ever ask ourselves this question:  "Does what I do matter?"

Do you ever ask yourself that?

I do.  And then it's followed up by other questions:

• Am I making a difference?  
• Am I good enough?  
• What if I fail?

The reality is that I've always struggled with this.  The feeling that I'm not _______ enough. And I tend to fill in the blank with a million different words.  Good, smart, beautiful, strong, thin, young, organized, talented - the list goes on and on.  And it affects everything I do.  It's not for lack of hearing it though.  My mom always told me I was smart and talented growing up. Brian tells me I'm beautiful (and I kid you not, he just told me I was smart).  My friends say wonderfully encouraging things too.

But the problem is I. don't. believe. it.  The voices in my head are louder than theirs. Why am I so insecure?  Why can't I convince myself that I am _____ enough?  I give myself a little credit usually.  I'll say "I like photography, I'm just not very good at it." Or let's take my twitter profile: I describe myself as a healthcare finance learning worker bee, wannabe photographer, artist and singer.  Which is entirely accurate.  I love photography, I love art and I love music and singing.  But if someone were to see a picture I took, something I painted, or hear me sing, my first thought is that they would say something like, "you call yourself a photographer/artist/singer?" No, I realize that's completely unrealistic. Most people wouldn't actually say it (to my face).  So I throw "wannabe" in there - so that it's justified - I never said I was any good!

Here's the perfect example of my self-doubt in practice.  I got a phone call from Brian's cousin a couple days ago, who is getting married in a few weeks.  Her photographer fell through and she asked if I would take pictures for her wedding.  She says, "I don't want you to feel obligated, like you're working, or feel like you can't enjoy yourself."  That's the least of my worries.  Really, I love to take pictures.  I just don't want to screw up.  I don't want to miss capturing the magic of a bride and groom on their special day.  I don't want to fail you, Robin, because I'm not good enough.

These are folders Abigail picked out for her high school classes.  We bought a few too many.  I am borrowing "Let Your Smile Change the World" to hold my Pound routines.  It'll be a good reminder.

But I'm tired of feeling this way all. the. time.  It's time for a shift, don't you think?  I know I'm not the best.  I know I'm not perfect. But I can love who I am, anyway, can't I?  I mean, I know all of you aren't the best, I know all of you aren't perfect, but I love you anyway! 


So you know what?  I'm going to turn up the music and drown out those negative voices in my head. I think it's why I'm so drawn to Pound.  It's helps me do just that.

Pound classes are an opportunity for people to come together, to use the music, movement and Ripstix to pound out frustration, stress and tension (should we add insecurity in there too?).  They'll leave having burned calories, strengthened their muscles, released pent up emotions and hopefully made a few friends.  Leading classes where all that can happen - that matters!

I am truly honored to have been asked to take pictures for the wedding (and I'm sure you'll get to see how I did here in a few weeks).

So I'll just be myself and let my smile change the world.  Because there's no one else on Earth like me. 

6/52

My alarm went off at 4:15 a.m. I had gotten six full hours of sleep, so it wasn't horrible, but I still immediately went downstairs for my coffee (which, my mom jokes, is almost more french vanilla creamer than coffee).   It used to be that I would wake up at 6:30, be out of the house by 7:30, pour myself coffee before I left the house and drink it on the way to work. But for most of the summer, on the days I go into the office, I have been getting up at 5:00 a.m. I leave the house at 6:00, get to the fitness center to work out or run at 7:00 and am at my desk by 8:00 a.m.  That 5:00 a.m. thing is tough and now requires coffee as soon as I wake up. Like I might actually fall asleep in the shower if I don't have my coffee.  And I do not even know how I am going to handle it when it's not even light out at 5:00 a.m.

Why was I up at 4:15 a.m.?  This is why.

Talladega and Emma at 6:00 a.m.

Despite being up before the sun, she had a smile on her face.  Emma brought Talladega to the show Saturday, but Talladega was limping, so Emma didn't ride in preparation for the show.  We needed to check Talladega's leg this morning to see if she was still limping.  If she was, Emma wasn't going to ride in the show today.  Which would have been disappointing since this is the second show in a three-show series (and there is a complicated formula for awarding points for each show in the series. And there is a banquet at the end of the series.  Doesn't that sound like there will be food? I like food. I want to be able to go to the banquet and have food).  Talladega seemed okay, so we were hopeful.  But even if there is food at a banquet, it's never worth risking a more severe injury. 

Well Talladega was more than okay.  She and Emma had an incredible day today - placing in every event they rode in.  In fact, all the girls and horses from Escapar Farm worked hard and did an amazing job!  Thanks Tasha for all your support and encouragement!

So today was another horse show, so you got another horse picture with Emma.  I really do have two other kids. See?

Abbi and Isaac watching the waterfall and feeling the cool water on their feet
after a walk to Peck Farm Friday night.

5.5/52

Yeah, I know - this is supposed to be a weekly blog.  And I'm breaking my own rules.  But you'll see why I couldn't wait.

Today was a big day.  I took Abigail to freshman orientation at her high school this afternoon.  This evening they had something called Frosh Fest.  There were hot dogs, ice cream sundaes, raffle prizes and friends.  After I dropped Abbi off, I thought about how gorgeous it was out (and can I just say that my house was especially meat locker-y tonight?). I came back, picked up Emma and Isaac and we drove a few miles to a path that I have seen and wanted to explore since we moved here.  There is a bridge that crossed the road and trees all around and I was certain that it would be a fantastic place to take pictures.

Well, I was right.

I have been inspired by several amazing photographers lately.  I'm going to have to practice if I want to get better, right?  Isn't that what this blog is about?  Tonight I did it. I took the camera out of auto mode and put it in manual mode.  I thought to myself, there is nothing lost if these pictures don't turn out.  We're just on a hike.  On a Tuesday night.  No big deal.

I have more to learn, I know.  But I'm still excited about how this is starting to make sense to me.  I might actually be able to figure this out.  

The bridge that crosses Peck Road.

What's telling about this picture is how Isaac and Emma are on opposite sides of the bridge.  They don't always see eye to eye and they don't always get along.  But even when she is annoyed, Emma always watches out for him.  Much like my brother does for me (happy birthday Nate!).  He was the only one allowed to pick on me when we were growing up.  And even now, when we are 38 and 43 (Ha - old man!), nothing's changed.

5/52

Last August, I had foot surgery after years of pain being on my feet too long and difficulty finding shoes that fit well.  I had been putting it off because the recovery was long.  Four whole weeks without being able to walk on it.  And then another two weeks with that foot in a boot.  That equaled six weeks of not driving!  The company I worked for was understanding and accommodating, family and friends were great and supportive.  I did almost three months of physical therapy.  In February, I was all clear to resume normal activity.  My foot and leg were weak - it was crazy how fast all those muscle atrophy when you don't use them for four weeks.  I found out that my friend, Kim, was teaching an adult ballet class.  I've taken ballet before (when I was 5) and I'm graceful (NOT!), so piece of cake!  But seriously, it would be great to help with my balance and build up the muscles in my leg and foot.  The second week of ballet, I showed up early.  Ladies were rocking out with drumsticks and loud music - what in the world was this??

It was Pound.  The Rockout Workout.  It's exercise disguised as fun with drumsticks.

When I was 10, my Dad took me to go see the movie Some Kind of Wonderful.  Check it out here.  If you are my age or older, please tell me you've seen it.  It's classic.  I identified with the one of the characters, Watts.  She was a tomboy, she was cool, and she didn't care what people thought of her - and she played the drums.  I so wanted to be her.

And although I accuse Brian of hoarding and hanging onto things for too long, I hold the record in our house of having something the longest.  I have a Some Kind of Wonderful t-shirt.  It's 28 years old.  I went through boxes in the basement about three months ago and found my childhood box.  This t-shirt was in the box.  I held it up.  No holes, looks like it could still fit? Yes, I'll rescue it from the box, wash it and start enjoying it!

Okay, back to Pound.  The next week I attended my first Pound class.  All of my stress, all of my frustration, and pent up energy dissipated through those neon green sticks.  Yes, my thighs were sore and I could barely walk the next day, but there was something about the energy in the music, the enthusiasm of the people in the room - all hitting their sticks together to the beat all at the same time - that just made me feel better.  I was extremely clumsy and sore at first, but every class I was more coordinated (oh, we've done this song before, I kinda remember how it goes) and less sore.  After about a month, my friend Kim mentioned that she could tell how much I liked it and suggested that I look into being certified to teach Pound.  I thought she was joking, so I laughed. Out loud!  No way, I could never do something like that... but it stuck with me for a few days. And I thought, well, it couldn't hurt to look into it.  How many times have I talked my way out of something because I didn't think I could do it?  Too many to recount, I'm certain.

There was a certification class in July in Indianapolis.  Not too far.  I could probably swing it.  Kim mentioned it again the next week.  So laughing just as hard as the first time, I told her that I actually was thinking about it.  She threw her arms around me and told me that I would love it and that I would be great at it and she would help me.  We could teach together and do larger events and put our gifts and talents together to take over the world!  As I was thinking about it, I got an email from the Pound Girls about another certification class being held in Chicago.  Okay, now there was no excuse. It was meant to be!

Since then I've seen amazing changes in my body, I'm a little stronger and a little leaner (boy, I wish it could make me a little taller!).  As of July 19, I'm officially certified to teach Pound.  About a week ago, we found out that Kim is moving.  It is wonderful for her and her family, so I am beyond happy for her.  But what started out as a sidekick gig is turning into something else.  Something that will force me out of my comfort zone, something that will require self-confidence, something that will really stretch me.

Kim and me - photo by the awesome Jenna Hopphan

This is Kim.  She is like a little stick of dynamite.  She is tiny, but she is packed with encouragement, a positive attitude and so much faith.  It's hard to not just smile when you see her.  She is such a great friend - and she will be missed.

These neon green sticks are like therapy.  It's a release.  It's impossible to hang on to tension, anger, frustration or stress while you are in class.  You can't help but let it go. (Thank you Elsa for getting that song stuck in my head)

4/52

Week four... and I'm still here.  And I love how some of you are even checking in on me to keep me accountable!

It's not everyday you get to celebrate someone's 91st birthday.  We're lucky to have been able to celebrate with Brian's grandma, Irma.  We surprised her with a party. Family drove and flew from all over to be here today.

Today I got to overhear Brian tell his Great Aunt Leona, Irma's sister, stories about how Irma would keep Nips (a caramel flavored hard candy),Yoo-hoo (a chocolate drink) and jars of maraschino cherries on hand for when Greg and Brian would visit.  It sounded like Irma definitely delighted herself in spoiling her grandsons.

Leona, Brian and Irma

Ninety-one years young and so much spunk and spirit.  I got the privilege of sitting next to her and Leona at the party.  I listened to stories about family, received wisdom about relationships, got invited to come back and play Rummy and laughed. A lot.  I hope I am nearly as sassy when I'm their age. 

Emma, Abigail, Isaac (back row), Brian, Irma, Maegan (front row)
Photo Credit: Harlan Proehl 

Many thanks to all the family that organized this day! All your hard work and planning made this day absolutely wonderful.