an equally belated 18/52

Confused about my blogpost title?  Check out my post from a couple weeks ago.

So as I bring this Project 52 to a close, I reread all my posts from start to finish.  Aside from sounding a bit schizophrenic, I feel like a lot has happened, a lot has changed. And it was little bit like watching your life on fast forward.

I tried to really focus on what was important to me.  How in the world do you stay focused, how do you stay on track, with all the distractions buzzing around?  There's so many things to do, places to go, kids to drop off and pick up! So many things in our lives that are calling for our attention.

I don't know about you (but please tell me!), but for me, it's "out of sight, out of mind." Like that quilt kit that Brian let me buy when we went to Door County for our 15th anniversary. It has all the pieces and patterns all picked out for you.  You just need to cut and sew them together.  I've laid it all out, I've looked at it, I bought stuff to get started, but there it still sits next to my bedside table - all sad-like - next to my bed. Brian and I just celebrated 18 years.  It's been three years.  Three.  Years.

It sits there because I don't have time.  So how do you make time for things that are important to you but not urgent?  When I think about my job, everything is a priority - and most of what I do is deadline-driven.  So whatever needs to get done first gets done.  Even if it would be better for me to be thinking about and planning in advance for a future deadline.  And then after that deadline, it's onto the next urgent deadline.

And there just aren't many situations where making a quilt is considered urgent. And so it waits. Because the dishes need to be done.  The kids need clean clothes.  The refrigerator isn't going to fill itself!  All these little things that need to be done and can often be time and energy consuming.

For the last few months, I've been gearing up for the annual conference for the company I work for. So I'm in Las Vegas right now.  I've been here two other times; once when I was 21 and then my company brought me out here in 2012 to see this conference in action.  I forgot how loud and bright and crazy the casinos are.  Noise and lights come in from every direction.  You usually don't see any clocks and the outside world is not visible. I think this is very deliberate.  So you get sucked into the black hole of distraction.

The hotel is connected to the casino.  And as you leave the casino and enter the hotel, you see this beautiful serene waterfall.

Normally this space is FILLED with tourists taking pictures - and one night, there was even a bride and groom in front of the waterfall for photos.  It was beautiful.  The only way I could get this shot is because I was up and downstairs at 5:00 a.m.  The coffee shops weren't even open yet.  There were, however, people STILL in the casino that appeared to still be there from the night before.

 

And look - there is even a bridge!

It's been a busy conference.  There has been a lot of work to do - stuff that should have been done ahead of time, but I just couldn't get to it.  After I was done working yesterday, I stepped outside for the first time last night.  It was like an OVEN.  Y'all, I am NOT exaggerating.  And the inside of the convention center is kept at just above freezer temperatures.  Knowing this, I packed for Winter. Speaking of Winter (as in Winter is Coming), I haven't seen the Game of Thrones finale yet - it's been SO busy!!  

And considering I've only been outside once, the waterfall and bridge are beautiful to see - even though I'm sure a lot of the plants are fake.  They are doing their best to bring the outside in for the people who actually never get outside - whether they are working a conference or enjoying the casino.  

On a completely different note, today is an exciting day - Isaac's tenth birthday!!  

He's definitely not a baby anymore (I feel like I say that every year) now that he is ten.  But he'll always be my baby.  He is so sweet and thoughtful and kind and so much like Brian and me.  He's definitely ours - no question.  

Love you Isaac!!  :)

A very belated 17/52

How long can you go - asking yourself the same questions, wanting to do something, wanting to change something, wanting to make a difference or make something happen - before you realize that the only person that can do it, change it, make it happen is YOU?  And it has to start with you.  You may be inspired by someone else, but any action that will get you on that path has to be taken by YOU.  And maybe you don't feel like you are big enough, strong enough, smart enough, responsible enough, whatever enough.  But if you want undercover mermaid highlights in your hair, you need to save your money and call and make an appointment.  That is the only way it will happen.  I promise you that there are no undercover-mermaid-highlight fairies that will fly over you while you are sleeping and do it all for you.  

If you want to learn to sing like Taylor Swift or Avril Lavigne, then you are going to need to practice and maybe even save your money to get voice lessons.  And then practice some more.  A whole lot more.  Even if you pay for the best voice coach, you will have to put in the time and effort.  And you may feel like you are nowhere near as good as they are, but it doesn't matter - you have to start SOMEwhere.

If you want to run a marathon (and let's be clear, I DON'T), you are going to have to get off the couch and run.  Even if it's a short distance - but the key is consistency.  There is just no other way.  It won't happen overnight, it won't be easy, it may hurt - but you do it because the results are rewarding.  You have a sense of accomplishment.  You achieve your goals.  You feel good about yourself, about life - and you move on to the next big thing!

So don't let your doubt, your excuses, your procrastination, or your fear hold you back.  Take one little tiny step in the right direction.  And then take another one.  And another.  And pretty soon you're walking across the flo-oo-oor.

Trust that you can do this.  Whatever it is.  Trust that all the 'what if's' and 'what about's' will line up when they need to.  Believe in the process.  Believe in yourself.


And then you can quote Joyce Meyer and say “I may not be where I need to be but I thank God I am not where I used to be.”

And you should take one little tiny baby step today.  Because if you procrastinate too long, it may be too late.  Because life is fragile people.  Tomorrow is not guaranteed.  And if you do get a tomorrow and all your tomorrows accumulate and then before you know it, you are 39 years old and getting magenta and turquiose highlights in your hair.  And older brothers are making fun of you.  LOL

51/52

Okay, I am seriously laughing hysterically over here.  I have been trying to figure out how I started my blog on July 7 with "My Story" and then week one on July 14 - and how in the world is it June 11 and I'm on week 51???  Something is not adding up here!

And so there it is...

I can't believe that I didn't catch that.  It sounds a lot like me, though.  Once, when I was teaching Pound, I was counting out a stretch that needed to be held for 8 seconds, and said, "5, 7, 8 - what??"  I hate to say that I'm terrible at math, but oh, if this isn't a perfect example, I don't know what is.


You know who is good at math?  My niece, Ashley, and my cousin, Melissa.  Apparently, I need some tutoring.

Thank goodness I have smarter people in my life.  Like Brian.  Saturday, he was at the Illinois Trucking Association Tech Competition.  Isaac and I got to watch a little bit of it.

Brian doing a "pre-trip" around the truck.

There were 32 smarty-pants mechanics in the competition this year.  They had seven stations where their knowledge was tested on things like engine diagnostics, tires and wheels, and other mechanical things.  There were things that were wrong or broken on the truck that Brian was looking at and he had to be able to identify them all.  A headlight was out - that's about all Isaac and I could figure out.  We would have gotten one point.

The mechanics had about 25 minutes per station.  At the station previous to this one, Brian was done in 9 minutes.  He didn't win the competition, but he learned a lot!


And while he golfed in the afternoon with his mechanic buddies, Isaac and I washed my car and vacuumed it out.  Two horse shows two weeks apart = lots of sand and dirt in and on the car.

We visited the farmers market by our house and found these.

We also grilled and ate outside.

Johnsonville Cheese and Bacon Brat Burger on the back deck.

I love summer.

P.S. Today is our 18th wedding anniversary!  We celebrated last night with sushi - because it's not really a celebration without sushi. Love you, Brian! 

50/52

Wow.  Week 50.  My "Project 52" is almost finished.  I can't believe I got this far!

What happens next??

Oh my gosh, seriously, I don't know.  I have two weeks to figure it out.  14 days.  I'm feeling like I need to engage "Project 14" so that I can brainstorm ideas, create a vision and a plan and then implement it.  LOL

I could just keep doing what I'm doing.  I could do something similar.  I could do something more challenging - I mean, that was kind of the point for this.  To challenge myself to use my camera more often - to get out of automatic mode and work on taking pictures in manual mode, where you have a little more control over the settings.

Or I could do something completely different.  But what??

Completely different can be scary.  What if it doesn't turn out to be a good idea?  What if it just plain sucks?  What if I do it all wrong?  What if no on likes it?  What if no one reads it?

These are the voices in my head.  And they can be so loud - so hard to ignore.  SO ANNOYING! So I yell, "SHUT UP!" (I think this may the only time my mom would forgive me for saying that) and hope that because that is generally startling, that those voices will pipe down for once.

And I don't think that it's necessarily that those voices are mean or malicious.  They just want to keep me safe.  They want to keep me from experiencing failure, rejection, disappointment, and frustration.  Things that I don't really enjoy feeling.  And what better way to do that than to have me just stay right where I am, in my comfort zone, doing everything the way I've always done it (and with the corresponding results).  So if the voices can stop me from experiencing all those seemingly negative feelings, they have so much less work to do.  And they like it that way because they are LAZY.

I think back to the last few times I've tried something new and I was scared and it didn't go exactly the way I planned.  I had to talk myself off the ledge.  The voices in my head had to reassure me that it was going to be okay, that the world wasn't going to end because of this, that no one was going to think less of me.  That is SO MUCH WORK for them.

And they would just rather be tuned out watching Youtube videos like this one: Fenton the dog!

And yesterday, at the Tower Hill Stables Schooling Show, these awesome girls from Escapar Farm pushed beyond any scary thoughts about being on large horses and jumping over fences.

Hannah and Ruby

Emma and Savannah

Maggie and Indie

Halsey and Riley

Lexi and Riley

Lauren and Rango

Our girls did an amazing job at the show this weekend.  And while observing other riders and trainers, I think A LOT of that has to do with our trainer, Tasha.  She is encouraging; offering reminders (and sometimes multiple reminders) to the girls in a direct way, but without insulting them, belittling them, or making them feel bad.  And I think that Tasha does a great job of pushing them out of their comfort zone (like asking Emma to participate in a more challenging event that she wasn't planning to - where she ended up winning first place!) and feeling confident that they can handle it.

P.S. Georgia, I'm so sorry I didn't get any pictures of you on Savannah this time!  I promise to next time!  :)